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TONY PARSONS
It’s ironic that Prince Harry isn’t pals with Donald Trump… they share a thin-skinned narcissism
It seems never to have crossed Harry’s mind that there may be members of his own family who were ‘wounded’ by his words
THIS was the week when Prince Harry declared: The United States of America is my home now.
By backdating his US residence status to the day he was turfed out of Frogmore Cottage, Windsor, Harry seems to have finally turned his back on ever living in the UK again.
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But there is one small cloud hovering in Harry’s blue Californian sky that may just hinder him living happily ever after in America.
And that cloud is not black.
It is vivid orange.
Presidential candidate Donald Trump has raised a querulous Tango-tinted eyebrow around the controversy surrounding Harry’s visa application to live full-time in the States.
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Harry famously boasted of his recreational drug use in his autobiography Spare.
Ah, but did he fess up to that same drug use on his American visa application, which would — for anyone else on the planet — have resulted in the application being rejected out of hand?
Nobody knows.
But last week the US government handed Harry’s visa application to a court amid claims he may not have told the entire truth.
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And Trump already knows where he stands.
“If he (Harry) lied then they will have to take appropriate action,” growls Trump, who has previously said that the Duke of Montecito will be “on his own” if he wins the race to the White House.
Harry, in the UK you were somebody - now you're just another Brit living in America, says Arthur Edwards
Trump is not a fan of Mr and Mrs Markle.
And the feeling is mutual.
Is there anyone on this planet with a thinner skin than Donald Trump?
Only Prince Harry.
Royal experts tell us that Harry’s decision to date his US residency to his leaving of Frogmore Cottage is to signal how “deeply wounded” he feels by the treatment he received from his family.
Oh, diddums.
It seems never to have crossed Harry’s tiny Old Etonian mind that there may be members of his own family who were “deeply wounded” by his words in recent years — including his brother, his sister-in-law, his father and his dying grandmother.
But inevitably it is the Prince who is “deeply wounded” by the manner of his departure from Blighty.
Like Harry, the Tango-tinted presidential candidate is not best known for his capacity to forgive and forget.
Compared to the muck that Harry and Meghan have thrown at the Royal Family, Trump has got off lightly with the Markles.
And unlike Trump, when Harry and Meghan ooze their poison over the Royal Family, they have little choice but to grit their teeth and suck it up.
Drug-taking
“Is the Royal Family a racist family, sir?” a journalist shouted at Prince William after Meghan and Harry had confided to Oprah Winfrey that a royal had expressed concern over “how dark” their son Archie’s skin might be.
“We’re very much not a racist family,” replied Prince William, through gritted teeth.
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Such restraint.
But restraint is not something that Donald Trump is famous for.
And the angry Tango-man worked out long ago where he stands on the drug-taking Duke.
A Joe Biden adviser asserted that “under no circumstances” would his administration ever deport the Prince, no matter what fibs or omissions may have been on that visa application.
Trump makes no such promise.
So Harry must hope it is sleepy Joe, and not demented Don, who wins in November.
And how ironic that the whinging Prince and the orange one are so hostile to each other.
Harry and Donald share a thin-skinned narcissism, a tendency to self-pity, an instinct to viciously lash out at any slight, real or imagined.
How weird that Prince Harry and Donald Trump are not the very best of friends.
Because often it is impossible to tell them apart.
ISRAEL’S GRIM REAPING
ON Wednesday Foreign Secretary David Cameron called on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu for calm and restraint after Israel was bombarded by hundreds of Iranian drones and missiles.
How’s that working out? Not great.
De-escalation is the word on the lips of the civilised world.
But Netanyahu and Iran both seem to want the last word – if not open war.
After the Hamas atrocities of October 7, we often heard that Israel has the right to defend itself.
Well, of course.
But reducing Gaza to rubble does not feel like an act of self-defence.
Killing 34,000 Palestinians and wounding 77,000 in Gaza since October 7 does not feel like it has made Israel’s future safer.
Allowing Israeli settlers to burn Palestinian homes on the West Bank does nothing to de-escalate a conflict where there are no good guys, and the innocent on both sides are slaughtered.
I have no idea how many Hamas terrorists Netanyahu has killed.
But it seems certain that in the ruins of the Gaza Strip, he has created many more.
EASY ON THE AI
IT is almost 40 years since Kelly LeBrock played a computer software-generated sex bomb in Weird Science, the invention of the feverish imaginations of two girl-starved teenage nerds.
And I thought of Weird Science when I heard that the first AI beauty pageant is coming soon, where the contestants are all fantasy figures generated by artificial intelligence.
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Even the judges will be AI babes, like Aitana Lopez, who boasts hundreds of thousands of followers on social media.
Kelly LeBrock ends up helping her two geeky nerds to navigate the many trials and traumas of adolescence.
She even helps them to find real girlfriends.
In our world of AI beauty contests, it feels like these days the geeky nerds are happy to settle for some sexy software.
IF you have wondered why your bank has closed so many branches and yet still has money for TV ads featuring lots of shiny black horses splashing around in rivers, then Dominic West’s Nationwide ad – where he plays an uncaring fat cat banker – will have struck a mighty chord.
Many people suffer when banks close branches.
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The old. The disabled. The self-employed. People living in rural areas.
Anyone who does not want to live all of their life online. The banks don’t give a toss.
That’s why Dominic West’s smoothie-sucking muffin-noshing total banker was so glorious.
Sadly, the advert has now been banned by the Advertising Standards Authority because – as their competitors eagerly pointed out – Nationwide have been closing branches too.
So it seems like we are all nostalgic for the days when banks had a place on the great British High Street.
Even if we bank with Nationwide.
Sweeney beats the meanies
A TALENT scout once dismissed a Fred Astaire screen test with the damning verdict: “Can’t act, can’t sing, slightly bald – can dance a little.”
A Decca music executive rejected a band’s audition with the verdict: “Guitar groups are on the way out.”
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The group was The Beatles.
And now a Hollywood producer has scorned White Lotus/Euphoria star Sydney Sweeney with the words: “She’s not pretty, she can’t act – why is she so hot?”
Don’t worry about Sydney Sweeney.
Like The Beatles and Fred Astaire, she is going to be just fine.
SPLIT’S HOW TAY WRITES
IF anything seals the comeback of vinyl LPs, it will be the cover of Taylor Swift’s new record, The Tortured Poets Department.
That is an image – not unlike the first Roxy Music LP – that is designed to be seen in a 12 inch by 12 inch format.
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Everything else is a waste.
As for the music – what would I know?
I was at dinner the other night when a middle-aged bloke complained that he didn’t “get” Taylor Swift.
“But it is not aimed at you,” I told him.
Swift’s music is not aimed at any man or boy.
It is aimed at her massive global constituency of young female fans.
And they will get The Tortured Poets Department.
As the father of a daughter, I admire Swift as a healthy role model for growing girls.
But I can’t help noticing that every record she makes is her Blood On The Tracks. Every record is like the one Bob Dylan made when his marriage fell apart.
Every LP is a tale of wrecked relationships.
This new one reportedly has songs about the end of her long-term relationship to English actor Joe Alwyn (Love Of My Life) and short-term relationship with English rock star Matty Healy (Fortnight).
I like Taylor Swift as much as anyone who is not part of her target audience could possibly like her. But I can’t help wondering.
If Taylor didn’t keep getting her heart broken, what on Earth would she write about?
PLAGUED by loss of form, injuries and surgery, 21-year-old national treasure Emma Raducanu has slipped to number 303 in tennis world rankings.
It is a long way down after winning the US Open in 2021.
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And yet, boosted by her numerous lush sponsorship deals, her company has just posted profits of £7.7million.
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I do hope she plays Wimbledon this summer.
Because if this has been a bad year for Emma Raducanu, I can’t wait to see what a good one looks like.