DEAR DEIDRE
I am trying to forgive husband’s affair but his baby with lover is too much
I can’t get the image of the two of them together out of my head
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband was having an affair for over a year but it isn’t the sex that has upset me the most, it’s the fact that he gave her what I’ve always wanted – a baby boy.
We’re in our forties and have four beautiful daughters but I have always dreamt of one day having a son.
If I’m honest, I ideally wanted two children — a boy and a girl — but kept on getting pregnant in the hope I’d have a son.
So the fact this baby is a boy is devastating.
I only discovered my husband was cheating when I bumped into his boss, who asked how I was coping with our new child.
He commented that I was brave with now five kids, and every time he passed my husband’s desk with the five children’s photos he wondered how we got any sleep.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
I mentioned the strange encounter to my husband and, when he went white as a sheet, I knew there was a worrying explanation.
He admitted to the affair and answered all of my questions.
Now I can’t get the image of the two of them together out of my head.
He claims he doesn’t want our marriage to be over and that we were a strong couple but I wasn’t meeting his sexual needs.
I don’t understand why he didn’t have the decency to leave me and embark on a new relationship with someone else.
In some ways our marriage does feel stronger now, as we’re really talking to each other, but I’m worried there is too much for me to forgive.
Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it
If I choose to separate, though, we would suffer financially and our family dynamic would change for ever.
I wasn’t involved in any of these major changes or choices, which maddens me.
I don’t love him in the same way as I did before. Please help me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Being hurt in this way is going to take a long time to get over.
You need to rebuild the trust you had with him and this won’t happen overnight.
He’s specified that he wasn’t happy with your sexual relationship so if you can face this and any other areas where either of you were unhappy, then there is a chance to strengthen your marriage.
Ultimately, you have your four daughters to consider.
And as upsetting as it is that he’s had a child outside of your marriage, do remember that this boy is completely innocent.
You have an awful lot to unpack and I would recommend that you speak to a relationship counsellor together to work out how you can move forward.
My support pack How Counselling Can Help explains more.