DIFFERENT WOMAN
I dread going home to my grumpy, frigid, menopausal wife – what can I do?
She’s no longer interested in any form of sexual contact
DEAR DEIDRE: I DREAD going home to my grumpy, frigid, menopausal wife.
She is 51 and I’m 54. Five years ago I used to look forward to seeing her every night.
She would greet me with a smile and we would have lots of romantic nights.
We would always cook together before heading up the stairs for great sex, but these days when I walk up the garden path, I hope she’ll be gone.
Now she changes into pyjamas as soon as she’s home from work and watches mind-numbing soaps until it’s time to hit the hay.
She used to be so chatty and ask me all about my day, but now she barely looks up from the TV.
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She’s no longer interested in any form of sexual contact.
I’ve tried to speak to her about it, but she brushes everything off saying her sex drive has changed and I need to accept it.
She doesn’t consider my needs at all. To make matters worse, she is always moaning that I don’t listen to her.
Admittedly, there is some truth in this because she never has anything interesting to say any more.
What can I do? Should I ride out the storm and hope she will change, or is this a lost cause?
Dear Deidre: Understanding why your man's gone off sex
She’s not the bubbly, adventurous person I fell in love with.
I don’t love the woman I see in front of me and I believe her actions show she feels the same way.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS:
Your relationship has clearly moved out of the extended honeymoon period and you’re in the long-term maintenance stage now.
It does sound like your wife is experiencing bad menopausal symptoms, which is affecting both of your lives.
The menopause can affect a woman’s libido and how she feels about herself. None of this is your wife’s fault.
Please talk to her and ask how she is feeling. Encourage her to see her doctor about possible hormonal changes as HRT could really improve her symptoms.
My support pack on the menopause will help you understand more, how it affects your wife and what you can do to help her during this time.
She may also be tired of sex in the same old way again. Ask her how she feels about your sex life and if there is anything she would like to adjust.
My support pack Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive has lots of ideas.