I can’t do anything right in my daughter-in-law’s eyes – I’m sick of it
DEAR DEIDRE: NO matter what I do, I can’t do anything right in my daughter-in-law’s eyes.
My son and his girlfriend are in their twenties and have a beautiful baby girl.
I’m in my late fifties. As a caring mum, I’m always trying to help my son and his girlfriend in any way I can, but I always seem to get a roasting from her.
If I change my grandchild’s nappy, I’m told I’ve done it wrong. If I feed the baby, I do it wrong.
Even if I pick her up, I do it wrong.
I’m not even allowed to clean up after dinner as she tells me I’ll make more of a mess.
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It’s been like this ever since I met her.
Nothing I do is right, and she disagrees with everything I say.
However, it’s completely different for her parents.
Whenever they help out it’s always “so welcome and gives her a proper break”.
I don’t know what they do so differently and I’ve even seen her mother wipe the high chair with the same cloth I was told off for using.
I’m sick of trying to help them, especially after I contributed a huge chunk of money to their house deposit as they had no savings.
My presence isn’t appreciated and I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to lose contact with my son or his little one.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You are doing your best and it’s a shame your son’s girlfriend finds fault in everything you do.
I understand that you’re tired of trying, but for the sake of your son and grandchild, keep rising above it.
It’s natural that she’ll gravitate towards her own family.
Your daughter-in-law may also feel insecure and may interpret your efforts to help as a comment on her ability to cope.
But do try to have a chat with her and your son in a calm moment.
Let them know that you only ever want to be a help and don’t want to upset anyone.
Explain that you worry they may sometimes think you are trying to interfere.
You can also speak to grandparentsapart.co.uk – they help keep families together.