I love both of my partners, but how do I tell my family I’m in a throuple?
DEAR DEIDRE: How do I tell my friends and family I’m perfectly happy in a relationship with two other people – a throuple?
I’m a woman of 25 and I work for an outdoor activity centre. I do their marketing and it’s my first job since I left university.
When my contract on my accommodation ended, one of the instructors said that they had a spare room in their house.
He’s lovely and I knew he was in a committed relationship with his girlfriend. He’s 29 and she’s 28.
I moved into their lovely home and was given a large room with a bay window at the front.
I’d been there for two weeks when we had a leak in my bedroom from a water tank. It went all over my bed, table and wardrobe.
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My housemates helped me call a plumber and, after I’d stripped my bed and straightened up my bedroom, we decided to go down the pub to help me drown my sorrows.
When we got back, the three of us were a little drunk. They said I could sleep in their bedroom so I started to settle on the floor.
Then my colleague and his girlfriend started getting it on and they pulled me in. It genuinely felt really comfortable. We ended up sharing the bed as a threesome.
The next night it was the same — and I’ve mostly shared their bed since then.
Sex with them is great. I am happy with the situation so I’ve turned down a couple of dates with men, which my mates find crazy.
How can I tell them I have a relationship with my housemates?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is nobody else’s business but yours. You’re not hurting anyone, your private life is exactly that.
Polyamory is on the rise. Just ensure that all three of you have discussed clear boundaries to reduce the chances of anyone getting hurt.
The fact you have written to me does suggest you are not entirely comfortable withholding your relationship status from friends and family.
If your throuple becomes more established, hiding this part of your life will weigh heavily on you.
And if it reaches a point where it affects other important relationships with loved ones, you will need to find the courage to be open with those who matter to you, or consider ending this arrangement.
Talking these considerations through with an outsider may be useful.
My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, explains more.