EMMA COWING: Whisper it, but I REALLY don't want Humza to quit - and no I haven't taken leave of my senses!
Oh it's all too delicious for words. The Greens out of government, throwing an enormous, pouty strop in the process.
The SNP in meltdown as the Conservatives cheekily lodge a no confidence motion.
And Humza Yousaf, our chaotic, bungling First Minister, dangling by a gossamer-thin thread.
But let’s not be too hasty. In fact, I would like to take a moment to make a personal plea to Mr Yousaf: First Minister, please don’t go.
I know, I know, I sound very much like I’ve taken leave of my senses.
The man has been a walking disaster in office, possesses about as much charisma as a garden snail and has relentlessly pursued a baffling and wrong-headed set of policies that make about as much as sense as, it turns out, the Bute House Agreement.
Fielding a barrage of questions First Minister Humza Yousaf speaking to the media
First Minister Humza Yousaf in happier times with Patrick Harvie and Lorna Slater
And yet to those of us who support the Union, who have sat glumly through 17 years of SNP government, along with a referendum which went our way yet did nothing to stem the tide of fulminating nationalism or indeed the endless threats that another one was in the offing, I promise you: Yousaf is our biggest asset.
Because the truth is, Yousaf’s dreadful reign as First Minister is the best thing that could have happened to the Union.
Under his watch former SNP voters have left their once beloved party in their droves. It now has a net favourability rating of -10 which is down from -1 in March 2023.
The Yes movement is in tatters and nothing has come along to replace it. Support for independence has dwindled.
The SNP are in for a bad night at the upcoming general election no matter what they’d like us to think, and their popularity is plummeting like a stone.
Now to be strictly fair, not all of this can be laid at Yousaf’s door.
Police Scotland’s ongoing Operation Branchform probe into the party’s funding and finances has undoubtedly taken its toll.
And his predecessor Nicola Sturgeon, whatever your personal view of her, undoubtedly had a better run in her early years.
There was no post-pandemic economic downturn to navigate, no cost of living crisis, and she started out with a comfortable majority in government which meant there was no Patrick Harvie to placate either.
And yet Yousaf has continually shot himself in the foot in a way that would be comical if it weren’t so disastrous. The GRR bill. The Deposit Return Scheme. The Hate Crime bill.
Just a sample of the out of touch policies Yousaf has, in his 13 months in the job, done his best to foist upon a reluctant and fed-up nation.
I mean, this is a government so blind to its own shortcomings that, like a child rearranging the toy furniture in a doll’s house, it is still faffing about with its plans for independence.
On Thursday ministers launched the latest thrilling instalment of the SNP’s independence prospectus.
Part 13 (would you believe) of its Building a New Scotland series tackles the thorny issues of ‘justice in an independent Scotland’ which, well, apologies for pointing out the obvious, but isn’t justice already devolved?
And isn’t it a bit of a cheek that this paper and the other, no doubt scintillating, 12 parts that preceded it were written by independent civil servants despite concerns that they should not be asked to work on issues around the constitution?
And isn’t this just a monumental, ego-driven waste of time and money for all concerned?
But there again we have yet another reason why Humza Yousaf is such a fantastic asset to the Union.
Admittedly he’s not the only First Minister to be obsessed with independence, but his dogged pursuit of it in the current climate has never looked so tin-eared, or out of touch.
There comes a point, and for some of the less patient amongst us it was passed a long time ago, when banging the drum for something that the majority of the nation neither wants nor cares about starts to look idiotic.
I think you’d be harder pushed than ever before to find many people in Scotland right now who view independence as the most important political issue.
They care about taxes, and education, and the crumbling NHS and getting that pothole at the end of the street filled in.
Yes, they probably spare a thought for climate change once in a while, and diligently take their recycling out on a weekly basis. But again, it’s hardly top of the list.
Yousaf’s greatest weakness – and therefore every Union supporter’s greatest bonus – is that he completely fails to understand this. He simply doesn’t get it.
In an attempt to seem progressive and switched on, he now appears out of touch with the basics of politics, the people he purports to serve, and the things that really matter.
He has commanded his government to fritter away time, money and energy on a Hate Crime bill that criminalises what people say in their own homes and has massively increased an underfunded Police Scotland’s workload.
To ignore the rights and safety of women and girls. To criminalise what people put in their bins.
To issue endless nanny-ish edicts about what we eat and drink, how we travel, what adverts we are allowed to see... all things that government should never get involved in at all.
Like many people in Scotland, I’ve had no confidence in Humza Yousaf from the start.
I never believed he was up to the job, and I have a sneaking suspicion that a fair few SNP politicians felt the same.
Come next week, when the vote goes ahead at Holyrood, we will find out just how many of his parliamentary colleagues have come round to the same opinion.
But I honestly, genuinely hope that enough of them decide to keep this lame duck of an FM in the job.
Because stick with Humza and not only will the wheels come off, but the SNP may well end up out of office altogether.
And nothing could be more delicious than that.
